Toxic Abuse: When The Fog Clears

We arrive in this human realm. Sometimes smoothly, sometimes not. Birthdays:  How you celebrate your birthday is a very special thing. The experience, when living with a narcissistic family mob or partner becomes a drama, a play. There might be some genuine celebrations during the growing years with a family. You might be given a huge party as a child, and everyone in your class at school is invited. Even the ones that bully you.it is not your party, remember that... But if there is no love, then it feels shallow and all about the person, or team providing it  A celebration of their organization skills, cooking, and so on. As your little guests leave you might come away feeling deflated, let down. And if your misery is detected, which it will be. You will be told you should be grateful, look what we did for you. Ah, but oh no, it was about them as usual. The adoration must flow around a king or queen bee's. In this  Waltons-like family where the whole system is...

I suppose in my life I began to see the truth very early on. As young as maybe four or five. You see, being told you are not wanted and treated so at an early age I believe makes you the young analyst of the family. But not for some. Sadly many others go downhill, get involved with the wrong crowd, or maybe do not realise that this is not all there is to life. Maybe they cannot read, and that limits your way out of an unusual childhood. Tiggy, that is me, and I call myself that as that is the name grandmother called me as she hugged me. I was hers, and hers alone. And I loved her dearly. And Tiggy, again, that's me, spent most of my time with this Liberty print lover, my dearest granny, as a very young girl. Lots of cuddles and knitted toys, poems, and fun. Granny was deeply spiritual, a follower of Mary Baker Eddy, and she made sure I understood whom to center myself on. And indeed that is the source in my life, of the strength within me. I was not told of her death in hospital, i...

Every day is a chance to bloom, to start again. Yesterday has gone and you can release the past, and take steps to go forward. Blossoms are blown away every year, but this doesn't stop the tree from growing... Some inspiration for you... Not everything sweet is good. Sometimes what is bitter might cause change, which helps us to change our ways. A lesson learned can be the starting point to a healthier destination... What would you rather have? Learn the lesson, change, and move on. Many people who have experienced toxic abuse spend their whole lives blaming themselves needlessly for the actions of others. Trauma becomes stagnant and they become ill. It doesn't have to be this way. Yes, it happened . Yes, you are allowed to be angry. And yes, you need to release those pent-up emotions. Why not try martial arts, Qigong...or one of my favourites: Run or walk to somewhere safe and then stand in the wind and scream...scream angrily into a stormy wind and let it out. Or scream into ...

Before you begin healing from the abuse, you have to acknowledge that it occurred. Since narcissistic abuse can be subtle by nature, you may question for a long time whether you are abused at all. During the relationship, you may have had to rationalize the behavior for a long period. In fact, so long that accepting that it wasn’t rational or excusable can be difficult. It is also often easier to take the blame for a situation than it is to accept that someone you deeply cared for hurt you in such a horrible way. However, denying that it happened takes away your opportunity to address it. Rationalizing cruel behaviors from others is a way of coping. If you rationalize it, you can brain-train yourself to not deal with it. Acknowledging that someone is positively taking steps to harm you can be too much to deal with. But this is where those who are toxic create a winning situation for themselves. When you first met them, you were love-bombed and it all seemed so wonderful. After a while,...

Brain-trained: Toxic family, friends, partners, or whoever decided to treat you that way, you were brain-trained. So once they are no longer in your life. The chances of you sabotaging new friendships are very high. The new people in your life are not aware of what you have been through. Therefore they have no idea that if they have had a bad day, made a mistake (which we all do), or are talking about something that hits one of your soft spots, it will trigger you, or give you a flashback. For you, there is no quick fix. Sticky plasters will not work. It will take time, research, and finding your own way of releasing that trauma from your body, to start to heal those wounds. Everyone heals in their own way. But what is central to your healing is that you realize that as an adult, no one has any power over you, unless you give it to them. They might of when you were a child, but not now... You can release the hurt, anger, and pain, resentment, self-blame inside you. At the same time ple...