Toxic Abuse: You accepted the wolf's invitation and looked into blue beards, the beast's pit of bones and skulls of past meals.
It is a multi-directional approach to killing you
softly, whilst hiding you away from possible suspecting eyes while smiling to
the outside world as they block you, stop you from sleeping, place pillows over
your head to muffle the screams, steal your address book and hide you in their
mousetrap. You will be pawed at and rolled over by the wolf. Your veins might
trickle with rouge as it gets rougher, but to the animal, this is a sign they
are winning. You will be let go off for a while, and then they draw back in.
You will get to the stage where you do not know your mind. Your phone is bugged,
and your emails are monitored. Your best friends have been slept with, or they
hate you due to your “beloved ones” tales of woe—or both.
If you were not
parented. Abused or suffered enough trauma as a child, the likelihood of ending
up marrying or living with a person who believes that Machiavellian strategies
to bring others down or to get what they want is very high. I made a film about it here on my channel with links
to government research.
To the naive child: unmothered, unfathered. Left to
wander through growing up avoiding the pitfalls of the stork delivering you the
wrong address. Meeting something that smells the same as the abusive family, is
all too familiar. You see the ugly duckling never realized their worth, never
found the swans, and will continue to follow the wolf home to help them cook
dinner until they are completely gobbled up. This of course is metaphorically
speaking. But if you never see the monster, for what it is, they are, you could
end up perpetually being dinner.
It is not a case that you end up with someone who is
just a better strategist than you.
Or now you are crying over spilled milk. You see, meticulously squeezing the
last drop of warm red blood from you is performed while sucking every last thought
from your jelly-like brain. Some would boil your bones for broth if they
could. Many people successfully strategize their lives to get the most out of
it and these are decent people. We are talking about those who are deeply
attached to the evil side of their psyche and use deviant games and all that is
meant for good in a reverse fashion to inject pain into other's worlds until
they reach their goal, gain the top job, see off anyone who suspects and so on.
The toxic beast, the madman with a big smile that
fools the fools themselves, is not living as a humane, concerned, sincere
individual. They are living as an inhumane, disillusioned megalomaniac, who
only has their interests at heart. Well maybe not even within their heart,
perhaps in every cell in their body and every breath they take.
So, you venture through hell, you make it, travel through
the graveyard on the night of the living dead, so what now?
I would say that you have learned a lot.
That staying as a victim once it is over must end at
some point. You are so much more now you have run the gauntlet. I never felt
like a victim. I felt pain for many months in my whole body at the attempts to
bring me down, the trauma choked me. I could not talk about it all until
recently. I believe my brain seizure was directly linked to this massive build-up
of years of abuse in my naive state of mind (there was yet to be an awakening) and
then two years of harassment which I dealt with mostly on my own and phoning
the Samaritans. I made friends with and through
people who arrived in my life because of the harassment. New people who cared
that I picked up along the way and they
helped where they could. I was taught how to go grey rock by a private
detective and how to have skin as thick as an elephant by a young friend who
walked with me whilst I was shouted at and followed numerous times. But I never
felt like a victim. On the day a man came after me in a park with a knife my
stress levels went deeper, to a new level. I didn’t sleep for about six months
and went from nine to six stone although I ate very well. I felt like the
wolf was fattening me up for dinner and the feast would be me laying in the
hospital mortuary with my harassers glorious in bringing me down.
But simultaneously something else happened. I flew up,
up above it, and wanted to know why this was happening. Why were all these
local people and neighbors involved in my demise?
Hating me, wanting me dead, to be gone
Your true behavior and all the lovely things you did
for them are blackwashed. The meals you cooked, the debts you paid off for them,
the car deposits you forked out for. The birthday cakes, the massages, even
when you knew they were seeing other people because you were informed you did
not fit in with what they passionately needed. Or maybe they had punished you
for having children and told you so. That their coldness was a payback for
making them feel love for a child. They were forced to do good. Evil does
exist. All of these thoughts and experiences are common, especially when you
speak to others who have lived with these types. But I would also say to you again,
what have you learned?
More importantly, what got you into the guilded cage in
the first place? You see, as hard
as it is, at one point, early on, you might have had a feeling in the pit of
your second brain, your stomach that something wasn’t right. Maybe friends
waved red flags right in front of you, but you, you carried on anyhow…skipping
merrily towards the cliff edge. Maybe you could love the wolf so much it would
turn into a lamb….
You accepted the wolf's invitation and looked into
blue beards, the beast's pit of bones and skulls of past meals.
You won't go
there again, will you? So now I say to you again, what have you learned and
what tools do you now own to protect yourself? Will you now listen to your
stomach when it tells you something is not right?
Maybe you saw the wolves ears one day poking through
the sheepskin, but you felt so desperate to be part of something, anything, you
carried on stroking the wolf, stroking its tummy, hoping you wouldn’t get your
fingers bit off if you said the right things and fed it steak.
You learned a lot, didn’t you? So now wear the pouches
of knowledge, and lessons on your belt and let them come to life in words and
actions.
Based on the experience of others and myself
Sonya Vukomanovic S. Lawrence 24/01/2024 ©
Myla's Blog, which is worth reading! https://medium.com/tales-from-the-narc-side
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