CPTSD: The puzzle it creates in later years and why you ended up mismatching yourself
Have you ever looked back and wondered how you seemed to surround yourself with the users and takers, the jokers. If you have, you need to realize something that might be hard to believe about yourself and those you call a family.
Childhood trauma has been proven to wreck the body, and many of our behaviors are dictated by what we experienced in those formative years.
One of the concepts you have to get your head around when untangling the sticky veins of childhood trauma is that it has grown into every layer of your being. You have some work to do.
Recently, watching a television drama in which the main character told a female actor that when they had dated in younger years she had not treated him well and had been sarcastic. This line affected me deeply. And this morning I woke up sharply. The information I sought came to me in an early morning idea.
Why would anyone treat someone they are dating that way?
I thought about myself and others I have spoken to about their dating experiences. We all have one thing in common. We all went through some awful experiences in our formative years. Therefore, is this why we did not know how to communicate in adolescence? And maybe all through our earlier adult years.
Did we hide behind books and this and that?
Was being sarcastic and making a joke of everything a coping mechanism?
If you grew up in a family where nobody bothered with you that would be enough to stifle you. But for many children who grow up in a toxic family, they have often been labeled the scapegoat because they are different and can see the disfunction. Therefore they must gagged.
I clearly remember being frustrated in my teenage years and my twenties because I just seemed to end up surrounded by friends and people who used me. But, then you look back and realize you were genuine to all the wrong people.
You are the one who needs to learn how to judge who is worthy of your efforts.
As complex as it may seem, it is not.
If you were born into a dysfunctional family the chances are that you could not be yourself. Your attempts to have a voice, to speak your truth, and to be part of caring relationships within that group were quashed by those siblings or other family members around you. They blocked your attempts.
You are the one that needs to learn about.....
The mismatch within you
So you spend your adolescence and younger years giving loyalty to those who see your vulnerability as an asset. You shun genuine kind folk that appear in your life. You are constantly mismatching yourself because of the muddle in your head caused by childhood experiences. You go through years of feeling you are missing a vital component that others have, and that would be right.
You are giving away a Queen or King Of Hearts in a card game where that is highly prized by those who can see your hand at the table.
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All writing: S.Vukomanovic /Lawrence 15/10/2024 ©
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