Love ? : The truth & why it is an immediate mask dissolver
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| Image: Drew Dizzy Graham |
You gaze at that little face, and you just fall in love...well, I did!
In a recent article, I came across. It was discussed that many people choose to have children to fulfill their own selfish needs. In a way, there is nothing wrong with that. Most of us want to give a child love. Also affection, boundaries, the tools to grow, reassurance, and more. We try to do our best. Mostly, we desire to pour in unconditional love.
But for many adults who are high on the toxicity scale, it seems that the whole point of having children is to use them in some way. This could be from withholding affection unless the child gets top marks later on and makes them look good. That is just one way the toxic person acts out.
Either knowingly or not. They set upon a path that places a child into a world to be used for the parent's dramas. To gain something.
The child is initiated into what is called the evil triad.
Some people have no idea why they have lots of children, they just do it.
There is no foresight into how the babies will be parented.
This is quite common whether you have a single child or many.
Many mothers are wonderful. We love them dearly, but some children learn from a young age that they are the scapegoat. They are used as an emotional and physical punch bag. It starts off well but gets progressively worse and the years go on. The scapegoat is the truthful one. The child that cannot cope under the pressure. The kinder that refuses to soothe the ego of the toxic one. Internal politics is never easy in a home where love has to be won through the admiration of a narcissist. It is a testimony to how things really are in many families. You see genuine conversations are lacking in a family where you do what you are told or else.....
Her or his love is conditional
Many children are not parented because their parents do not have the required skills. Other toxic parents know what their child needs but withhold it because it gives them power...and you can actually see it makes them happy to do so.
Inherited trauma or their own issues get in the way. Some appreciate they need to work on themselves. Take on the internal work to heal and not create more unhappiness for the generation below. This is always the best way to go. Some, I personally believe have a genetic makeup that results in a dark personality.
But with a toxic parent, everything is about them. It is as though they are the sun and in their madness, they believe everything should revolve around them. Well, that is how they see it. Where most of us see that life is about compromise, talking it out, and being reasonable, the toxic parent does everything they can to get their own way. This is why their love is the sweetest poison to give birth to a new generation.
Always Conditional.
If you come from that kind of family, take a step back and you will see, that those involved in supporting the toxic parent (be a flying monkey) did and will do anything to win favour. From lying, attacking, threatening to kill, and causing general havoc, they will protect their worth from the toxic parent. They become the foot soldier of the narcissist/psychopath and as the years go by learn to mimic the games and use them in their own lives to win favour. There is also research out there if you look that points to these siblings, children being attracted to crime rings, as this of course is a comfortable place for them. They have been well trained.
I recently read an article on Tiny Buddha, and it reminded me of the time I called my own mother out, to her face. The reaction was the same as when I told her I loved her as a child. She was angry, and the feeling was the same later in life as I stood in a hallway and watched her face turn into a monster as I stated I would not be back and this violent recent bout of drama and lies had cut the tie. You see, when you call one out it is a truth, it is an immediate mask dissolver. And that is just the same, as when you tell them you love them. It means nothing, and they are angered. Because being worshipped, admired, and followed is the key to their alliance. There isn't a key in the world that would open the door to a narcissist's heart. That door does not exist.
All written worked S.Vukomanovic/Lawrence 23/07/2024 ©
Image: Image: Drew Dizzy Graham
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