The Day We Were Born Is Special

We arrive in this human realm. Sometimes smoothly, sometimes not.

Birthdays: How you celebrate your birthday is a very special thing. The experience, when living with a narcissistic family mob or partner becomes a drama, a play. There might be some genuine celebrations during the growing years with a family. You might be given a huge party as a child, and everyone in your class at school is invited. Even the ones that bully you.it is not your party, remember that...

But if there is no love, then it feels shallow and all about the person, or team providing it

 A celebration of their organization skills, cooking, and so on. As your little guests leave you might come away feeling deflated, let down. And if your misery is detected, which it will be. You will be told you should be grateful, look what we did for you. Ah, but oh no, it was about them as usual. The adoration must flow around a king or queen bee's. In this  Waltons-like family where the whole system is a reversal of what is healthy.

When the parties are over, the child goes back to a life of being ignored, shoved from pillar to post, maybe boarding school for some, You are a burden for wanting some attention, and affection, and the feeling of isolation grows. This, mixed with violence and also all the successful attempts to block you from having any success or outside intervention will be a grim indulgence. But all is not lost, and you are destined to fly above and see the aerial view. Because, as the junior analysts in this madhouse, you already have half a psychology degree by the time you are seven, thanks to the local library.

If all you are, is nothing to your family, or an emotional, physical punch bag, then this will work its way into you. The attachment is faulty and as a kinder, there is nothing you can do to fix this. Well, you can play along in adoration, and play along with the games...but for those babies that are on a journey of truth, to lie, cheat, and manipulate goes against the very skin you are born into

Why a lot of therapy does not work when dealing with the above...

You are not told that if you do not mend your CPTSD, you will go and find more toxicity...

Some older children leave home at the age of sixteen. In a toxic family, your going will not be questioned. There will be no, please stay, we can sort this out. What's the matter? You might later return only to be beaten and abused even more. You might stay with a sibling, to find out that no one in this whole yukky troup of the Walking Dead is no different from any of the others. Again, you, still that trauma-filled child, have not learned the lessons. 

Action: Stop banging your head against a brick wall, you cannot change them, and they never cared and never will.

The Departure. There will be tears to neighbours and friends and false tales of everything we did for them. Then the slandering will begin. A close friend told me the following: " I had a chat with someone who worked for a neighbor about six years ago. She simply hated me and took joy in telling me all the lies she had been told by my family members, all backing each other up in their stories. And then lecturing me about life and how awful I am. This is someone who took delight in joining in. She was sailing on the crest of a wave and going for the jugular on behalf of my family. And when I asked her if she would like to hear the truth, she did not want to know. It hurt, but that is what toxic families do. They are your P. A company from hell, plotting against you. " To cover up their sins.

The veil they are part of covers reality with lies and a thick-knitted veneer of pity and adoration for the main players in the system. Life is about winning, being right, bringing others down, and making sure no one else gets more than you from outside sources.

All content is based on research.  Here for healing inspiration on my other page

S.Vukomanovic/ S. Lawrence 08/04/2024 © Image: https://unsplash.com/@adigold1

For more information on CPTSD and Trauma please go to the website of  Bessel van der Kolk, Dutch psychiatrist and author.

You may like to read his renowned book, The Body Keeps The Score.

You might find this YouTube conversation on Franklin Covey's YouTube channel very interesting.






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