Toxic Abuse: When The Fog Clears

The truth you hide from others, and yourself will ultimately break you. It is the covert part of the psychopathic/narcissistic attack. They know that. It is a win-win strategy for them. An internal and external time bomb for you. But it does not have to be so. I can see how this plays out in the many woman and men I have met who share lived traumatic childhood experiences. As a child, you are unable to defend yourself against violence and older siblings who try to molest you. With the abuse comes the words that attach themselves to the deepest parts of your brain. "There's something wrong with you" And then we have the violent physical attacks. One of my more interesting memories is of an older brother who tried to molest me under the guise of "Come and help me clean my room". I was around four or five and he was old enough to have left home. Looking back, it was a power play. I was the youngest and received attention for being bright and chatty.  In those earl...

Our story today shows what it is like to live with a madman. Have you ever wondered what it is like to live with a really toxic person? If you attend a Freedom Course in the UK you will meet many men and women who have endured similar experiences. As you attend the weekly meetings, your experiences have much in common with others on the course. You discover that they too had the unthinkable happen behind the happy outer walls of the home.   As the target becomes worn down over many years what would appear to be abnormal to others becomes normalized. Psychopathic Bed Manners: Suffocation Karen had gone to bed at ten the night before. Judy, the toddler, had not woken through the night. It was now three-thirty on a sunny October afternoon. Karen stood in the playpark, watching the other parents chat. She had left her husband Robert at home. He detested coming to the park and it was much easier leaving him to read his Dad's Army Script Books. When he accompanied them, he was ...

Have you ever looked back and wondered how you seemed to surround yourself with the users and takers, the jokers. If you have, you need to realize something that might be hard to believe about yourself and those you call a family. Childhood trauma has been proven to wreck the body, and many of our behaviors are dictated by what we experienced in those formative years. One of the concepts you have to get your head around when untangling the sticky veins of childhood trauma is that it has grown into every layer of your being. You have some work to do. Recently, watching a television drama in which the main character told a female actor that when they had dated in younger years she had not treated him well and had been sarcastic.  This line affected me deeply. And this morning I woke up sharply. The information I sought came to me in an early morning idea.  Why would anyone treat someone they are dating that way? I thought about myself and others I have spoken to about their dati...

A ring leader decided you would be highlighted as a target, and there we go. Your school days are ruined by a toxic group.  Is the group headed by the chief toxic protected? Some would say yes. Others would say they are vulnerable and if we try to understand them we will find a fragile person, lashing out. Does that make ruining someone's life ok? You could even say that hurt people hurt people. Well, maybe they do.  If you are a parent of a child that has been bullied throughout school or for a time you will know the misery it causes. What seems to happen is that the victim is portrayed as the trouble maker and the group bullying, is then allowed to continue their reign of narcissism. This makes being part of that group appealing, as who wants to be bullied. Teachers and schools can enable narcissistic behaviors. And this is not about criticizing teachers. They do a hard job that most of us would not want to do.  So, children who have been hurt can hurt people? Bringing ...

When still living with the toxic one you you cannot see the part you play. Worst still, you do not realize they are with a highly skilled person who specifically chose you because of your suitable qualities. You fit together with the abuser like a plug and socket. You are in fact the power supply. Once you have been plugged in a while, you will keep on supplying them, enabling them, and making excuses for them for being so empty, manipulative, and abusive. Slowly yourself drains away. You are the ideal candidate for a partner. The first step is to realize that you have certain qualities that appeal to these types. Maybe, you had an abusive childhood. As a result of that abuse, you exhibit certain behaviors that attract those who score high on the scale of narcissism. Are you outwardly anxious? : You freeze, avoid, or maybe faun Toxic types are great observers. They stand back and clock how others interact and who they can play each individual. Now, I'm not on about those people who...

Do you expect too much from them? Do you repeat the following to yourself?  Why can't this person have a two-way conversation? Why, when I put everything into being open and communicating fairly. Treat them so well, why do they treat me so bad? There is a clue there you know. Being fair to someone or an organization who takes shots at you, pulls you down, and cannot be like you, because they are not, is like standing beside a large puddle and then being surprised when a car comes along and you get covered in water. Great Expectations is a wonderful book. But looking to others to treat you fairly, when some people are never going to do that, is at the least naive. Or at worst possibly co-dependent. This may sound harsh, but your need for all others to treat you well is a case of false expectations. Accept it. It has everything to do with them but is not your business. A percentage of the population that does not treat others well. Why they do this, is really not your concern. Getti...