So you realized they fulfill the toxic criteria. Now what ?

Friends will say, hey why don't you just leave?
If it is that bad, then leave, or stop going on about it"


So, like many people, you slowly believe you are going mad.

You cannot see the part you play. Worst still, you do not realize you are with a highly skilled person who specifically chose you because of your suitable qualities. You fit together with the abuser like a plug and socket. You are in fact the power supply.

Once you have been plugged in a while, you will keep on supplying them, enabling them, and making excuses for them for being so empty. Your whole day will become consumed in pleasing them.

So, how do you get out of that cycle?

The first step is to realize that you have certain qualities that appeal to these types. Maybe, you had an abusive childhood. Or, you became caught up in the net of a strategist, and when they came across you, you ticked all the boxes. A good catch.

Now, this is going to sound extreme, but when we look at serial killers and so on, we often find that they have supporters. People love them to bits. This is why you are split in two when you spend time with the toxic one. You are seeing the two halves. The issue here is that others do not see the gaslighting, games, violence, or behavior that they would believe to be the absolute opposite of the "sweetie" you live with.

Maybe, they threaten to wipe the floor with you if you leave. You are living a double life and acting along with the toxic one so their public image is not sullied. This is when your brain becomes fractional, broken.

The narcissist/psychopath is involved in every part of your life. 

From constantly taking money from the joint bank account. To changing the passwords daily, then having affairs. You feel deflated. They triangulate you against everyone and steal your phone periodically. Your mobile is bugged, your emails under surveillance, and every day you live in a home filled with an atmosphere of, there's something wrong with you...yes, with you...

You need to get out, and set boundaries. Wake up, but as of yet, you are refusing to do so...but you will...

The Snow Dome Complex

Imagine one of those small plastic domes on a base. You know, the ones you shake and there is snow that flutters around. From personal experience, this is how you feel.

Look at all these people, out there, they have no idea.  You maintain the toxic ones' image with them. A friend told me about his ex-wife who would start waving her arms about and screaming in the house when things didn't go her way. She would hit herself. He told me how she told lies to the police, and to me, and we all believed her. And then I only found out the truth about her, when she turned on me and I saw the monster under the mask. I am proud to say I have nothing to do with her anymore but have every respect for her ex-husband.

So, it is not easy to just let go of those people. But you can, and you will eventually I hope.

And it will be when you get to a certain point. And you can do it, and you are not alone...

All writing S. Lawrence  © 12/08/2024   

Image: https://unsplash.com/@santiagoospina


Whispers in the wind
Like a breeze through the heart
That twists and turns across the moors
Lonely in the dark


Waiting for the sun to rise
To reveal a single beaded spider web
To release the pain from that lonely place
To heal what has already bled

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