Living In The Snow Dome Complex : Why you ?

When still living with the toxic one you you cannot see the part you play. Worst still, you do not realize they are with a highly skilled person who specifically chose you because of your suitable qualities. You fit together with the abuser like a plug and socket. You are in fact the power supply.

Once you have been plugged in a while, you will keep on supplying them, enabling them, and making excuses for them for being so empty, manipulative, and abusive. Slowly yourself drains away.

You are the ideal candidate for a partner.

The first step is to realize that you have certain qualities that appeal to these types. Maybe, you had an abusive childhood. As a result of that abuse, you exhibit certain behaviors that attract those who score high on the scale of narcissism.

Are you outwardly anxious? : You freeze, avoid, or maybe faun

Toxic types are great observers. They stand back and clock how others interact and who they can play each individual. Now, I'm not on about those people who are shy.

The psychopath's mind works differently. They take a step back to see who is doing what because the group must work towards their goals, and not blow the cover on what devious acts they are getting up to away from the group. They might even be creating havoc in someone's life within the group, but the others must only see them as the good guy.

If they find a like-minded soul they team up with them and between them, they enable each other to play out whatever hurtful drama they have planned. This is why you tend to get those self-centered, covertly, or sometimes openly manipulative people at the heart of any obnoxious group of humans.

You are an ideal friend, or partner if you are seen as being overtly kind. Give advice freely and put yourself last. 

You are a golden fish, ready to be caught up in the net of a strategist. When they came across you, you ticked all the boxes. A good catch.

Now, this is going to sound extreme, but when we look at serial killers and so on, we often find that they have supporters. People love them to bits because they only see the act. This is why you are split in two when you spend time with the toxic one. Is this person really capable of seamlessly switching parts?

You are seeing the two halves and in some people eighths. Others do not see the gaslighting, games, violence, or behavior that they would believe to be the absolute opposite of the "sweetie" you live with. Over many years you become immune to their mad behaviour. You already blame yourself. You are constantly trying to do better, be this, be that. Be kinder, talk less, demand nothing, and make the toxic one is happy.

After living with one for many years you are convinced that you are mad, and if only you could do better they would be happy. You learn not to discuss plans, your needs, or the children's needs. You take part in the cyclical arguments with them, that they create out of thin air. And play the role of the leading barrister. You are sneered at, whatever you say is pulled apart and laughed at.. 

Maybe, they threaten to wipe the floor with you if you leave.

" You will never get rid of me, I will be here until you die"

Has it reached the stage where they do not even need to threaten you anymore? You have seen what they have done. You know that you cannot outsmart them because you tried, you failed and the punishment hurt.

So you carry on living a double life and acting along with the toxic one so that their public image is not sullied. This is when your brain becomes fractional, broken. You are living in the delusional world of a mad person, and telling yourself it is normal. If you grew up in an abusive household, you will see the replication of many things.

When you attend church or any gathering you act like the perfect couple for the toxic one. It could be that you sit there through a Sunday morning mass secretly wanting to get up and scream and tell everyone the truth. But you do not, as you have become the toxic ones "shiny veneer" P. A Director and no one would believe the truth.

The narcissist/psychopath is involved in every part of your life. 

From them changing your passwords daily, and then having affairs. You feel deflated. They triangulate you against everyone and steal your phone periodically. Your mobile is bugged, your emails under surveillance, and every day you live in a home filled with an atmosphere of, there's something wrong with you...yes, with you...

You need to get out, and set boundaries. Wake up, but as of yet, you are refusing to do so...but you will...

The Snow Dome Complex

Imagine one of those small plastic domes on a base. You know, the ones you shake and there is snow that flutters around. From personal experience, this is how you feel.

Look at all these people, outside the dome, they have no idea...  

It is not easy to just get out. You are exhausted. But you can, and you will eventually I pray

And it will be when you get to a certain point. And you can do it, and you are not alone...

All writing S. Lawrence  © 12/08/2024   Update: 02/10/2024  

Image: S. Lawrence  © 12/08/2024   Update: 02/10/2024  

Whispers in the wind

Like a breeze through the heart
That twists and turns across the moors
Lonely in the dark


Waiting for the sun to rise
To reveal a single beaded spider web
To release the pain from that lonely place
To heal what has already bled

Hi, my nickname is Tiggy and I write this blog as a release and to help others who have been through similar experiences. I do not earn money from this blog or from the few films I have made, but felt compelled to start writing due to the impact that psychopathic/narcissistic individuals are having in society.

To go through an attack, whether in childhood, adulthood or both makes you strong. If you are open to learning, you have many epiphanies and meet many interesting people who too have been through such things. And by coming together we become stronger.

When we do not believe targets or turn a blind eye we help tyranny become normalized more than it already is in the world. There is light in the world and also darkness.

I have not studied psychology and I am not an expert so if you disagree with what I write about you are welcome to that opinion, it is your right. If this blog helps one person, it has done its job.

If you are in any kind of toxic relationship, you will know that you are living in what seems to be another world. A world that those people outside the snow dome do not understand. Well, I do. And thousands of other people get it as well. Many psychiatrists and experts do as well. You have been through the war on the ground and they have spoken to many who have experienced living in the madhouse with a lunatic. Many will have spent time working in prisons with psychopaths and know what they are capable of and that there are higher numbers hidden away than formerly believed.

So remember you are not alone. 

You can work on getting the trauma out of your body physically

You can still have a good life.

Your future life will be as fruitful as you make it once you are away from the toxic person.

If you are willing to learn, take the lessons, feel the pain, and release the trauma there is peace ahead and nearer than you think.

Sending you a hug  if you need one

Tiggy.x