Losing Childhoods For Children: Is it cool to be cruel ?
A ring leader decided you would be highlighted as a target, and there we go. Your school days are ruined by a toxic group.
Is the group headed by the chief toxic protected?
Some would say yes. Others would say they are vulnerable and if we try to understand them we will find a fragile person, lashing out. Does that make ruining someone's life ok?
You could even say that hurt people hurt people. Well, maybe they do. If you are a parent of a child that has been bullied throughout school or for a time you will know the misery it causes. What seems to happen is that the victim is portrayed as the trouble maker and the group bullying, is then allowed to continue their reign of narcissism.
This makes being part of that group appealing, as who wants to be bullied.
Teachers and schools can enable narcissistic behaviors. And this is not about criticizing teachers. They do a hard job that most of us would not want to do.
So, children who have been hurt can hurt people?
Bringing the anger and resentment of the life you do not have at home into the playground is not a fruitful way of expressing your trauma though. Is the young person passing the buck? Their opponent has something they do not. Or maybe they are picked on because they do not fulfill the social norm according to the chief judge. Also not getting enough attention at home or being covertly abused can often make school a place to play out your inner child. A ringleader might copy a narcissistic parent to see if it works. Once a successful campaign comes to fruition, then we have a future misery maker in the making.
As more children join the leader of the pack, the victim is isolated. In some cases, this can end up having a positive outcome as the child can make friends with others who have been cast out and find genuine comradery.
Do we need to have trauma-engaged schools?
Would this start a ripple of change and along with learning about boundaries and consequences bring some stability to areas of the country where being in a gang at the age of four is normal. And yes they do exist.
Gaslighting Happening On A Huge Scale
"Little Jonny, he did not do that! He's an angel at home. How dare you, I will sue! We all need to be bullied, it is character-building"
These are sentences that you hear time and time again in a failing system. If we do not acquire strategies to deal with trauma in schools, we lose childhoods for children. We enable toxicity and narcissism to rise. We also walk into a classroom and feel the chaos and disharmony. Does a classroom that contains unmet trauma tend to have an atmosphere that reveals, there is something wrong here?
All writing S. Lawrence © 15/08/2024 Image: Mike Fox
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