Family Vendetta's: A Pals Story

Today, a tale from a close friend: 

A couple of years ago, my oldest sibling, whom I called to see how he reacted to me and gauge if the harassment  I went through in my divorce had anything to do with my family, answered the question for me. Stating, that he wanted nothing to do with me, after what I had "done what you did" (to this day I imagine I have had numerous lies spread by my childhood abusers which many believe), Just before he slammed the phone down, he then stated that he was nothing to do with the Family Vendetta against me.

 An enabler and a coward, they go hand in hand.

Initially shocked, I then realized that this fitted.

You see, I had seen the other brother, who had hit me numerous times as a child. Whilst going through the early harassment in my recent divorce. I had seen him turn up in my hometown in Derbyshire, three doors up from where I lived.. It was one summer's evening. He was with his wife...the owner of the house beckoned them in and signaled that I had not recognized them whilst weeding the front garden. I had also seen other people who were sadly involved in harassment going into this house. 

Then I realized that my childhood slapper, hitter, head-punching brother had not stopped. He had always been on a mission to get between me and any sibling, neighbour, or local. And now, after my mother's death, and his anger at me for not being left out of her will, I had received a threatening letter. The promises of that letter were coming true....He was on the mission of a lifetime. He strode in confidently to the house with his wife. Because, of course, now my ex, who was also an abuser, had backed up his claims. I remember thinking that my angry, jealous brother must be in his element, enjoying the false victimhood from his younger sister, and now he could finally get rid of me. Now part of a charitable organisation that could help him, based on his lies.AT last, all the bitterness would be released with my end. The person he spent his childhood hating and seething with jealousy for would soon be dead. A wish comes true, and death by proxy. All based on lies and his own insecurities.

Create a false narrative about someone, build up a group of people against them, get involved with her ex, as he will join in, and between them, orchestrate, hopefully, her death. The police won't help her and ignore her calls. Social workers, well, the less said about that, the better. But shall we say the neighbour's house was very popular with certain people...

Family Ties Of My Friend

Those who use you as a child to work out their frustrations in an already fractured family will befriend each other. They can rely upon the others to convince the ones in-between of your terrible jealousy, spitefulness, anger, this, that. When, in fact, they are talking about themselves. They sound so convincing as a gang, and by having others around them who can back them up, as the dismal P.R. campaign is played out. And the ones in between, siblings, neighbours, and outsiders, will be convinced of the horror you have created, while the perpetrator escapes feeling the shame and hides with the other chief narcissists in the family. You, the goal of their hate, deserve your end. And if that means a promise from an older sister that one day you will be stabbed to death coming true, you jolly well deserve it.

Taking responsibility for their tyranny, Machiavellianism, and actions is something that must be avoided at all costs. They do not realize that the more lies they tell, evil or criminal things they adhere to, the longer that hole within them aches. They are deepening their own self-inflicted wound.

With their helpful and friendly behaviour towards the right people and groups. No one would ever believe this affable, kind, and helpful person was a monster behind the mask. But you know, as you have felt the hands of it punch you hard across a kitchen...(job done, a bit more anger out this time)....but it will never be enough to release what's inside.

Once, a long time ago, at school, I was pulled in front of a school welfare officer and counselor. It all came out, the truth. They are trained to press your buttons and find the truth. You see, your stance and posture give it away. You are rigid, inward, and bookish. You keep your mouth shut as if you make friends with people. You might let it slip....you keep your few friends very close.

After much befriending and the therapist, you reveal the strangulations, the triangulations, and more. The lies. And by the age of fourteen, siblings who wanted your famous next-door neighbours attention on themselves, attempting to break me. But social services saw through them. They actually had heard it all before, as they temporarily soothed my aching body. I almost got away, and will never know why they backed off from removing me from home for my own safety.. They even had a couple in a local town who would have liked to have fostered me. They saw nothing wrong with a studious bookworm who spoke well, loved learning, and wanted to go to university. I suppose they would not have lied to me when I passed the twelve plus and would not have smiled as they told me I had failed, as my family had. I only found out I have passed from a school psychologist. It broke my heart as I lost my middle school best friends, and now I was bullied at home and at school for being different.

And my darling neighbour brought so much happiness into my life. My little visits to see his daughters and spending time in their bedrooms chatting made me realize this is what normal sisters do. They actually talk to you and support each other. Many years ago, my neighbour informed me that he was so looking forward to the girls coming home from boarding school. He was warming some milk for me and reaching into a cupboard to find some biscuits. " I commented that I would love to go to boarding school, and  could I go?" He replied that he didn't know if I could go, and then looked at me in that serious look of his and said, " Why would you want to go to boarding school, Sonny?"

Oh, how I longed to tell him, but I couldn't, and my throat seized up. So I had my milk and lots of his chocolate biscuits. There was a silence, a curious silence. But I just could not tell him, because if I had, I do not think I would have lived to see another day.

I was stuck for now, until I could leave home and escape. I was regarded as a joke at home, a pain. I was not one of them, which now I see as a blessing. I ignored the abuse and kept the peace for the sake of the family. Even leaving the house, I could bump into a journalist or photographer from The News Of The World. I feared that someone would find out, so I pretended all was great at home. I invented lovely birthdays and kindness where there was none.

I came from a topsy-turvy family. At one point, I was smacked around the face as I did not want to be an escort, as my older sister was. Who choose to go out for meals with men for money, and become "friends".. How dare I have an opinion and not want to earn money in that way. After all, I could earn a fortune.  What was wrong with me? I should be grateful...Smack.

So, if you have been through something similar, you have to get it out, but move forward as well. You cannot ignore it, it will turn up like a friend you never wanted and ruin things. But you can go forward and use the past as fuel for a bright future.

Do not stop and dwell in your memories. Get some therapy, and tell the police if it helps you. I have.

Put a strong boundary between yourself and those who choose to abuse you. And never be ashamed of yourself. You are not what happened to you; you are so much more. Personally, I am a strong believer that when children go through these evil, earthly events, God moves in, if you allow. You go right to the edge of the cliff with despair, but if you ask God to enter. You will not jump, as those who hurt you wished. I firmly believe that you are then placed to talk about it, heal from it, and be another lightbulb going on in one of God's lighthouses. You do not even need to attend a church for God to intervene in your life; you just need to believe and start that relationship and live in truth the best you can. If someone has chosen to hate you, abuse you, so what.. the shame is theirs, not yours. Leave them to it and focus on your friends, who can turn out to be better than family in the long run. You might even find that you have not healed and therefore married someone who has all the same behaviours as those who harmed you, I did.. Those of us who go through childhood trauma, normalize it. You always return to what feels comfortable, and that is your lesson. Do not.

Reading about how healthy families act will help you finally see yours in the cold light of day. The truth staring you in the face, you can finally know you did nothing to deserve the abuse. You were a child, perhaps delivered to the wrong house by the stork. If we try and find some positivity in all this, we could say it has made us who we are today

What is the lesson you need to learn? To deal with the reality, grow, move forward, and become everything you can be. To parent your inner child and only allow others into your life who see your worth. You are lovable, but this has to start from the inside out.

Pray for them. Wish them all the internal resolve they can find, and focus on you.

All writing is my experience and not a judgment on those who abuse, as that is God's place. They, of course, will see it differently. But if we do not bring these things to light, we cannot help others.

If you are experiencing toxic abuse, there is a lot to learn. You might find the film below helpful. 

S.Vukomanovic/Lawrence 2024 March