Family Vendetta's

A couple of years ago, my oldest sibling, who I called to see how he reacted to me and gauge if the harassment  I went through in my divorce had anything to do with my family answered the question for me. Stating, that he wanted nothing to do with me, after what I had "done what you did" (to this day I imagine I have had numerous lies spread by my childhood abusers), and just before he slammed the phone down, he then stated that he was nothing to do with the Family Vendetta against me.

Initially shocked, I then realized that this fitted.

You see, I had seen the other brother who had hit me numerous times as a child,whilst going through the early harassment. I had seen him turn up in my hometown in Derbyshire when all the harassment had really begun. In fact, three doors up from where I lived.. Walking into a neighbours house, one summer evening with his wife...the owner of the house beckoned them in and signaled that I had not recognized them whilst weeding. I had also seen other people who were sadly involved in my life going into this house. Then I realized, that my childhood slapper, hitter, head-punching brother had not stopped. He had always been on a mission to get in between me and any sibling, neighbour, or locals I had a good relationship with. And now, after my mother's death, and his anger at me for not being left out of her will  I had received a threatening letter. The promises of that letter were coming true....He was on the mission of a lifetime.

Create a false narrative about someone, build up a group of people against them, get involved with her ex, and he will join in and between them orchestrate hopefully her death. The police won't help her and ignore her calls. Social workers, well the less said about that the better.

Those who use you as a child to work out their frustrations in an already fractured family will befriend each other. They can rely upon the others to convince the ones in-between of your terrible, jealousy, spitefulness, anger, this, that. When, in fact, they are talking about themselves. They sound so convincing as a gang, and by having others around them who can back them up, as the dismal P.R. campaign is played out. And the ones in between, siblings, neighbours, and outsiders, will be convinced of the horror you have created, while the perpetrator escapes feeling the shame and hides with the other chief narcissists in the family. You, the goal of their hate, deserve your end. And if that means a promise from an older sister that one day you will be stabbed to death coming true, you jolly well deserve it.

Taking responsibility for their tyranny, Machiavellianism, and actions is something that must be avoided at all costs. They do not realize that the more lies they tell, evil or criminal things they adhere to, the longer that hole within them aches. They are deepening their own self-inflicted wound.

Because of their helpfulness and friendly behaviour to the right people, and groups, no one would ever believe this affable, kind, and helpful person was a monster behind the mask. But you know, as you have felt the hands of it punch you hard across a kitchen...job done, a bit more anger out this time....but it will never be enough to release what's inside.

Once, a long time ago, at school, I was pulled in front of a school welfare officer, and counselor. It all came out, the truth. I suppose they are trained to press your buttons and find the truth. You see, your stance, and posture gives it away. You are rigid, inward, and bookish, you keep your mouth shut as if you make friends with lots of people, you might let it slip....you keep your few friends very close.  You reveal the slaps, the strangulations, the triangulations, and more. The lies. And by the age of fourteen, a family who wanted your famous next-door neighbours attention on themselves, have outcast you to the world. But social services saw through them. They actually had heard it all before, as they temporarily soothed my aching body.  

And my darling neighbour, Roald Dahl, brought so much happiness into my life. My little visits to see his daughters and spend time in their bedrooms chatting made me realize this is what normal sisters do. They actually chat to you and support each other. Once, I think I was younger, maybe nine of ten, Roald was telling me how he was so looking forward to the girls coming home from boarding school. He was warming some milk for me and reaching into a cupboard to find some biscuits. " I commented, that I would love to go to boarding school and  could I go?" He replied that he didn't know if I could go, and then looked at me in that serious look of his and said " Why would you want to go to boarding school Sonny?"

Oh, and I longed to tell him, but I couldn't. and my throat seized up. So I had my milk and lots of his  chocolate biscuits. There was a silence, a curious silence. But I just could not tell him, because I if I had, I do not think I would have lived to see another day.

So, if you have been through something similar, you have to get it out but move forward as well. You cannot ignore it, it will turn up like a friend you never wanted and ruin things.

Do not stop and dwell in your memories. Get some therapy, and tell the police if it helps you. I have. Put a strong boundary between yourself and those who choose to abuse you. And never be ashamed of yourself. You are not what happened to you, you are so much more. Personally, I am a strong believer that when children go through these evil, earthly events, God moves in, if you allow. You go right to the edge of the cliff with despair, but if you ask God to enter, you will not jump, as those who hurt you wished. I firmly believe that you are then placed to talk about it, heal from it, and be another lightbulb going on in one of Gods lighthouses. You do not even need to attend a church for God to intervene in your life, you just need to believe and start that relationship and live in truth the best you can. If someone has chosen to hate you, abuse you, so what.. the shame is theirs, not yours. Leave them to it and focus on your friends, who can turn out to be better than family in the long run. You might even find that you have not healed and therefore married someone who has all the same behaviours as those who harmed you, I did.. What is the lesson you need to learn? To deal with the reality, grow, move forward and become everything you can be.

Pray for them, wish them all the internal resolve they can find and focus on you.

Happy Easter Everyone. Now where's that lovely chocolate egg !

S.Vukomanovic/Lawrence 2024