Chalk and Cheese: Repair With Self Love

Toxic people constantly meddle in other people's lives when they see something they want or want passion with that person. 

They have many plates spinning.

You will never be "the one". You will be one of many.

They are never contented, no matter how rich they are. How many partners they have, or possessions that they own.

Basing your worth on receiving love from someone like this is a foolish thing to do. You are like chalk and cheese. One person is deeply fulfilling and has substance and the other crumbles as they are barren and have no self-love. They use every trick in the book to get what they want, to bring some moisture, and content into their lives, but it will always dry up. It's a dessert in there.

The toxic one

You see, if you do not like yourself or have had an emotionally cold childhood and have not repaired that hole you will have nothing to give anyone else. You might even believe everyone owes you love, attention, and anything you want. Because you hurt so much. This is a belief held by a very damaged person. You might not even realize that you are causing your own angst. You are holding onto so much hurt and pain. Sitting internally inside since the day you were born. It has formed layers. I personally believe that these layers build up from birth. Maybe your mother had a terrible birthing experience through no fault of her own or you were taken away from your mother to a cold clinical ward. Or maybe, you were born into no love or a family that just wanted a show baby, child.


There are endless causes of toxicity in a person. By working through layers, one by one you will find more rest and joy. If you want a life that has less anxiety, you need to look at what you are doing to others and yourself to cause it. 

So, what if you have experienced life in a relationship with a toxic person?

Well, the same pealing back of layers is required. because you choose to get into it and then out of it. Yes, you are kind, loving, and give a lot, and no, you did not go into the relationship for gain but to love.

But maybe there is a child inside there who learned how to placate, please, keep quiet, and give, even when there was a fist coming their way. To normalize the abnormal. So now, you need to peel back the individual layers holding the trauma and release it. Yes, it will hurt, but it will pass. Then meanwhile, start loving yourself, and reparenting yourself. You will need to watch what you say to yourself, as you will automatically talk to yourself as the abuser did from your childhood, and also your relationship.



All writing and pictures: S.Vukomanovic/Lawrence 22/05/2024 ©

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