Tactics: Weaponizing children against you
They wouldn't do that...would they?
Anya is at the kitchen sink. She has cooked dinner and
pudding. She is talking to her husband Rob. She has politely asked him if they
can organize to go out with their son Jake this weekend. Or talk about a summer
holiday. No reply, nothing. Rob ignores her, and there is silence. Anya gazes at
her reflection in the kitchen window in front of her and can see his face. A
slight smile, standing there, with his head in his arrogant stance. Why should
he talk to her, he never wants to discuss anything with her. Even when it was about
his birthday, the most she had got out of him in the past was not to bother.
And then on the day, he announced his sheer misery, and victimhood in front of Jake,
that mum doesn’t care about him. Anya had surprised him with a large ganache-covered
chocolate cake anyway. Nothing, not a thank you, just eat, stuff it in. The
whole cake-eaten, drunk like liquid in desperation to have more. Gone.
“I'm not being rude am I Rob, please, it would just be
nice to do something apart from go and spend lots of money at the shops…”
With the kitchen door opening, she sees Rob's face turn
serious, then pitiful. Jake appears and is concerned for his father. ”What's
wrong Daddy, why are you upset?” There is a silent pause.
“Mummies being horrible to me again Jake, she’s so
horrible to me”.
Anya’s heart sinks. Why is he doing this? Why is he
trying to make out to their son that she’s being cruel? She has even cooked Rob's
favourite meal.
“Mummy, you shouldn’t be horrible to daddy” Jake hugs his poor father and then scowls at his mother all evening. You cannot believe this has just happened. Her heart is breaking.
If you have been in a relationship with a toxic person, you might recognize the situation above. By the way, men do not have a monopoly on this behavior. If you attend a Freedom Course at your local Women's Centre, you will find you have a lot in common with other women. It’s the same for men who have seen the bundles of fun they protected, shielded, and loved, of course, turned against them. Weaponized.
Yes, Weaponized. Another common behavior is undermining any
decisions or disciplining you give the child as they develop. Say for example
the child does something wrong at school, such as stamping on another child's
foot out of revenge or spite. After a discussion with the teacher, you may
decide that you will talk to the child and say there will not be a bedtime
story or pudding tonight. And they need to write an apology to the child in
question. You then discuss this with your partner when they get home. Instead
of finding a way forward with you, (negotiation, communication, standing together)
they approach the child and say “ Now look (child's name) I want to know if
what mummy has told me is true, you know what she’s like, ha-ha”.
You may not want your six-year-old to play slash-and-kill
games on the internet with strangers but hey, guess what, Daddy is on there, so
that’s ok then. Before you know it, slashing and slicing are common language
and your six-year-old is turning into a night owl. You're uncool, and lame because
you don’t understand. The other parent does. Before long you find scratches on
their bedroom walls, everything is decapitated, arms and limbs ripped off toys,
and they start enjoying their new power by hitting you or verbally pulling you
apart. Remind you of anyone?
Gymnastics and having fun with other
children are put in second place, and then out of town because it is cooler at
the age of six to be able to hold a knife in 3D and kill online with Daddy.
Remember Pavlov’s dog experiment?
Sports
So, you used to take them to football and gymnastics each week. They are natural and do well and enjoy it. The teacher's feedback is they love having a go and enjoy it. But hey, hang on, what’s this?
“Daddy/Mummy said you can hurt yourself doing sports
and I’m like them and I'm not going. They said all sorts of horrible things can
happen.”
Friends
Your child, who used to have a lovely little group of friends,
is now finding them lame as well. It seems the late-night gaming, slashing, and
slicing with Daddy is more important. The other parent is not interested in
their schoolwork and all the subjects your child used to enjoy are of course
beyond them now as they are encouraged not to be part of that lame world. Even
though their other parent had a top-notch education at a top private school.
No love here I'm afraid, and then you will
be gifted with things. Why?
There is a commonality in this with other parents who lose
their child to the psychopathic other parent. (In my opinion)
You look back on those days and you see how it
happened. You see the strategies put in place by the toxic one. Love,
acceptance, and attention were not given to the child. The parent was as emotionally
unavailable to them, as to you. The toddler was not wanted or played with. Being
tucked away from the toxic one was the best place for everyone. Your excuses,
that Daddy/Mummy loved them but needed to relax, go out, or do something else
protected the young child from what you received. And then, of course, you didn’t
tell them about the shouting, maybe violence, and the non-stop demeaning words
and schemes to bring anything you might attempt, down.
These are just a few ways a good toxic strategist will work at weaponizing a child. Do you have any more? You will have lived through the disbelief that this was happening, that no one gets it, or understands. You're living with someone who is flicking from personality to personality within their being to win their delusional war against humanity. They cannot lose anything and you, like others, are just part of their inner campaign to have it all at no cost to them. The inner resentment at the world that they tell you time and time is against them playing out in their rule of tyranny before you.
All content is based on real-life research. Please attend a Women's Centre in the UK if you need more information.
S.Vukomanovic/Lawrence © 02/02/2024 All work.
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