Do opposites attract, or is something else going on?

Think about the statement opposites attract. Does it make sense in terms of relationships?

In a nontoxic relationship that has mutual respect, having the opposite interests and outlook would work if the couple communicated honestly and genuinely. But with nothing in common, it might be a struggle.

In a toxic relationship, opposites seem to come together.

Say for instance you see yourself as kind, generous, and giving. Over many months, you start dating someone. They flatter you. Chemistry is great, and they go that extra mile by picking you up from work and organizing your leisure time. You may have some doubts as they are not that talkative and a bit moody. Every time you wonder a bit about this person, they somehow seem to sense it, and suddenly become ill and need you.  Or have a surprise waiting for you or seem to draw you back in somehow.

And on you go, feeling the deep discord in your stomach, but ignoring the indigestion.

Over time, you realize you are with someone cold, and controlling, and only give when they will receive, or you do what they want. You disregard your own needs. They pick at you tenderly, like a vulture picking every last scrap of meat off the bone.

This is a person who demands you place them at the centre of your life. The position you have signed up for is not the initial advertised role, so, now you focus your attention on making them happier. You hope that the more you try caring that extra mile, loving more, and doing extra in every single way, the initial offering of passion and warm words might return.

 

Within a toxic relationship, opposites not only attract, but it can feel like magnetism.

 One would like to gain, take, derail, and destroy the other and make themselves the centre of that person's world. They may see in that person, strengths or skills they do not have. Or even a nonstop supply of mothering and fathering to make up for the lack in their childhoods. There could be many other reasons for this.

They make themselves fit snuggly to their focus, like a plug in a socket, whilst they turn on the switch and covertly start to drain the other's help, ideas, assistance, and support. There is no real love involved in this union from one side. Just a strong fit. The victim becomes isolated and dependent on them for the teaspoonfuls of affection they dish out. So, opposites on the one hand do attract, but it's more of a wearing down of one, whilst the other becomes more confident in their control tactics.

 Victims can be unaware of the “game” they are in and the “cycles” they are traveling through while losing their spirit and independence. I think this is a wounded person, either from childhood years or somewhere else. They long to be accepted and loved, and that’s all.                                                                                   

But this kinder wound smells of fresh blood and wolves can smell it miles away.

Are the opposites the same in some way?

Well, it could be that both parties are hurt and have trapped trauma. But here is where it gets interesting. One chooses to be controlling and may even use the tactics of a malignant narcissist or psychopath to get their way. Remember, they might have adopted these strategies after growing up in a household with this behavior every day.

 The victim does not have the capabilities to manipulate and may be stuck in the flight or fight response and also fawn a lot to appease the predator. A childhood protection strategy that does not fit and is turning a possible shallow grave into a very deep one, fictional or not.

Think about the statement opposites attract. Does it make sense in terms of relationships?

In a nontoxic relationship that has mutual respect, having the opposite interests and outlook would work if the couple communicated honestly and genuinely. But with nothing in common, it might be a struggle.

In a toxic relationship, opposites seem to come together.

Say for instance you see yourself as kind, generous, and giving. Over many months, you start dating someone. They flatter you. Chemistry is great, and they go that extra mile by picking you up from work and organizing your leisure time. You may have some doubts as they are not that talkative and a bit moody. Every time you wonder a bit about this person, they somehow seem to sense it, and suddenly become ill and need you.  Or have a surprise waiting for you or seem to draw you back in somehow.

And on you go, feeling the deep discord in your stomach, but ignoring the indigestion.

Over time, you realize you are with someone cold, and controlling, and only give when they will receive, or you do what they want. You disregard your own needs. They pick at you tenderly, like a vulture picking every last scrap of meat off the bone.

This is a person who demands you place them at the centre of your life. The position you have signed up for is not the initial advertised role, so, now you focus your attention on making them happier. You hope that the more you try caring that extra mile, loving more, and doing extra in every single way, the initial offering of passion and warm words might return.

 

Within a toxic relationship, opposites not only attract, but it can feel like magnetism.

 One would like to gain, take, derail, and destroy the other and make themselves the centre of that person's world. They may see in that person, strengths or skills they do not have. Or even a nonstop supply of mothering and fathering to make up for the lack in their childhoods. There could be many other reasons for this.

They make themselves fit snuggly to their focus, like a plug in a socket, whilst they turn on the switch and covertly start to drain the other's help, ideas, assistance, and support. There is no real love involved in this union from one side. Just a strong fit. The victim becomes isolated and dependent on them for the teaspoonfuls of affection they dish out. So, opposites on the one hand do attract, but it's more of a wearing down of one, whilst the other becomes more confident in their control tactics.

 Victims can be unaware of the “game” they are in and the “cycles” they are traveling through while losing their spirit and independence. I think this is a wounded person, either from childhood years or somewhere else. They long to be accepted and loved, and that’s all.                                                                                   

But this kinder wound smells of fresh blood and wolves can smell it miles away.

Are the opposites the same in some way?

Well, it could be that both parties are hurt and have trapped trauma. But here is where it gets interesting. One chooses to be controlling and may even use the tactics of a malignant narcissist or psychopath to get their way. Remember, they might have adopted these strategies after growing up in a household with this behavior every day.

 The victim does not have the capabilities to manipulate and may be stuck in the flight or fight response and also fawn a lot to appease the predator. A childhood protection strategy that does not fit and is turning a possible shallow grave into a very deep one, fictional or not.

                                                         © Sonya Lawrence/Vukomanovic 03/10/2023

As the victim goes around in cycles of abuse, the flight and fight response becomes worn down.

And fawning like a rabbit in headlights becomes a way of life.

@ Tiggy Sonya

Find me here on Medium and here at The Sales Recruitment Network. Here for my sales communications blog and here for my Tiggy Sonya's Art, Music, Nature, and Book Patch

     

 © Sonya Lawrence/Vukomanovic 03/10/2023